It is scary out there .....

Next time i blog i will write something funny, i thought. I thought enough with my cynicism. Alas! Here i am writing another post which is dipped and soaked in negativity. I guess i worry too much, may be i should stop. Let me get to the point.
I never understood the term rat race, i first heard the term when i was in the 8th standard. Everybody said it is a rat race out there. And i was like do rats really race? The term, though partially, never really hit me until i was in 11th standard when i saw S R nagar roads bustling with youngsters like me trying to make it into the IITs or the NITs or BITS. Bright young minds studying for over 8 hours a day and not so bright young minds studying 11 hours a day, giving their best, trying to out beat one another with coyote like perseverance and Gollum like desperation. I too tried, but neither did have the perseverance nor the desperation. Why work so hard for a few extra bucks, i give a rat’s ass i thought.
The term really hit me (actually punched me) when i started working and was financially dependent on myself. I realised how fucking hard it is to run a family (though i am not running any now). With my limited mathematical skills i realised, it is fucking impossible feed anyone else with the money i make other than myself. That too after sharing rent with 3 friends of mine and depending on my parents for the last 5 days of the month. So the thought of feeding somebody else scares the shit out of me. You may say my salary will increase and i may get a better job, for that to happen i have to be in the rat race.
Today kicking myself with all my might i think “WHY WORKS SO HARD FOR A FEW EXTRA BUCKS HUH?? I GIVE A RAT’S ASS HUH?? FUCKING MORON!!!”

I am a rat and i have to be in the rat race and i give a rat’s ass because it is my ass which is on fire.
Amen.!

In-sight, Far-sight, Lost-sight.

Yesterday, I was told that with my level of preparation, I won’t be able to make it to the sustenance project team. I felt bad, for about like 5hrs. In those 5hrs I decided to prepare hard and prove that I am no dud. 22 hrs have passed since and I haven’t even started preparing. This has been happening from ever since I remember. May be from the point of time when I started thinking about ‘purpose’. Purpose of my life!!! Why should I do anything, for whom, for what?? ‘Whom’ doesn’t matter to me. ‘what’ doesn’t motivate me. To a certain extent ‘whom’ does matter, I don’t want to be in a situation where people who love me feel ashamed to acknowledge my existence. That’s it; I can’t motivate myself to work beyond that.

People tell me I have the capability to achieve anything and everything. Theek hai bhai, Maan liya!!! But somebody tell me for what and whom. End of the day, I feel it doesn’t matter. I am just a small fish in the ocean, and even a whale is just another fish in the ocean (not technically, but still). May be, if somebody can convince that i can become GOD by working hard, may be I will try then. I am happy with ephemeral pleasures, like a burp after a good meal, a good night’s sleep, intriguing conversations with friends, the feeling of being loved. Bas!!..... I am happy. I thought money excited me, but that feeling did not last long.

I agree with Divya when she tells me that she hates growing up. When you grow up, either you realise that things u wanted once are not worth or not practical. Growing up robs the spice out of your life. Well now, i have to get back to my linked lists and binary trees in order hang on to my position at the bottom of food chain. (A food chain, that is just made up of my friends and peers.)

Or the whole thing can just be treated as an excuse for me being a loser. :P

BhEjA FrY

3 idiots fucked up my life. Bloody i can't sleep. This had to happen to me when everything seemed to be going alright.(whom am i kidding, fucked up my mba entrance exams for the second time in a row). But some parts of my life were/are good. And as usual i was always ignoring the 'question' that has always been bothering me since i was a kid. "WHAT AM I GOOD AT???" This question has been killing since i was 14 or maybe 21. Who cares, the part u should care is the fact it is bothering me. Has never been able to figure out an answer to this lousy shit ass question.

Back in school after every 'progress reports day' my dad used to give me lecture about........blah blah(u knw what). Then he used to ask me this question."Which is your favorite subject??" Answer to which, frankly, i haven't figured out yet. I used to name a subject in whichever i scored the most marks that year. So the answers used to change, one year it was social, the next maths, the next science and so on. Then came inter, where i had to chose between mpc and bipc. Others streams were out of question, apparently they had no future. Anyways what difference does it make to somebody who's confused. I preferred mpc as i was bad at drawing (trust me that was the reason why i took mpc). Life was on a single track from then on, what do u do after mpc, duhh!! engineering. Finished that. After which i had to make a choice again, MS or MBA. Chose MBA due to personal reasons :P. Fucked up my mba entrance exams, so i chose MBA afer work-ex. All my choices were based upon 'Why i should not do the other thing' rather than 'Why i should do this thing'.

What makes things worse is that I am surrounded by people like divya and kunal, both of them know what they are doing, why they are doing, for how long they will be doing whatever they are doing. Which makes me feel like shit. Added to that they have friends who are passionate about something or the other and work very hard at whatever they are doing, may it be architecture, design, photography or simply studying. What is surprising is that all of them think I am good at something and i am pretty sure none of them know what it is. I get their respect for god knows what. Bloody, i dont have a single credential to show and tell them that 'i belong among u guys.'They probably think I am smart and capable, which even i think i am. But I will never be able to live up to my potential till i figure out an answer to the question "what am i really good at or what is the one thing i am passionate about??"


What i have been thinking is : 'What if a person does not have a passion even though he/she is good at many things. What if there is nothing that appeals to ur heart, but are able to perform decently in many areas.Does such a person exists or is it only me. NO it is not only ME. There are many like me( at least i hope so).' This inner conflict has been driving me crazy and all this is because of the movie '3 idiots'. YES, go follow your passion if you have one, nobody should stop you. But what if you dont have a bloody passion. Should you create one?? No you cant!! I guess ppl like me will just earn their bread, mutter and paneer working in mediocre software companies or BPO's.

First time in my life I am feeling very 'ordinary'. It is not a good feeling you know, atleast for me. "INTROSPECTION IS SHIT."

Ad idea 1: ANTI SMOKING AD

Scene 1: (In a classroom)

Teacher : Children note down the harmful effects of smoking.
(students writing)
1. Smoking causes lung cancer
2. Smoking causes xyz
3. Smoking cancer impotency.

(Student interrupts)
Student: Ma’am what is impotency??

Teacher: (embarrassed) Why don’t u google it and let the whole class know. (Teacher continues)

Scene 2: (student goes home and googles impotency)

Scene 3: ( Father and mother sitting in the living room, father is smoking)

Student: Papa, since when have u been smoking

Father: (proudly) I smoked my first one at the age of 16 my son and never stopped since.

Student: (Turns to the mother) Mama, mere asli papa kaun hai????

Cut…….end of AD.

Kukka thoka vankara manishi buddulu banka ra

Mahatma Gandhi, Vivekananda, Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela are some of the great people who dedicated their lives to make this world a better place. I think they wasted their time!

We live in a world of poverty, hunger, discrimination, famine, oppression etc.

Our grandfathers lived in a world of poverty, hunger, discrimination, famine, oppression etc.

Our great grandfathers lived in a world of poverty, hunger, discrimination, famine, oppression etc.

People may argue world has become a better place but I beg to differ; what has changed over the years is the way we see, perceive and name these social problems. Man has evolved so has his problems.
Man will never change; he has lived in problems and will continue to live in problems. Man’s nature will never change, he is naturally inclined to commit blunders and the world will continue to live in misery. Darwin’s ‘survival of the fittest’ theory holds true, man is smarteshtttt and fittteeessssttt but he is also self destructive at some level. A level which is not beyond his comprehension but it’s a level he’s very comfortable ignoring. But ironically everybody tries to become a better person. Man contradicts himself better than anything else.


A perfect society would be boring anyways, what would we talk, cry and bitch about. I have been called a ‘pessimistic fucker’ by all my good friends, but I think I see the world the way it is. This is the law of this world; we will have problems no matter what. One day we will cease to exist like all the other archaic species, the only difference would be we will be pressing the big red button which has ‘self destruct’ written on it.

Sorry for pouring water on the dreams of all the “FERFECT world dreamers’, but a perfect world would indeed be boring.



P.S. there were too many things to write about, I leave them to your imagination……………….fuck it whom am I kidding…………I was feeling too lazy too type: P

Double P.S. You may find it unorganized and abrupt, that is also attributed to my laziness

Triple P.S. title is in telugu, I will not bother myself to translate it, find it out yourselves

SCREW Drivers of Hyderabad

No, I am not talking about the tool!!!

I drive a lot, approximately 1000kms in a month, only in the city. One of many virtues of Hyderabad traffic is that, it tests your patience, if you run out of it, then it tests your creativity (naye naye gaali jo invent karne padthe hain).

There are 3 types of drivers in Hyderabad (you can add more if u want to)

Type 1: This kind that is always suffering from constipation, they need a bathroom so bad that they usually drive very fast and overtake from the left and go zig zag thro the traffic.

Type 2: These guys play ‘Whose Vehicle is the smallest?’ The main objective of the game is to squeeze your vehicle through the narrowest of spaces. They are so INTO the game that even if there is a very wide road they only go through the narrow gap between your vehicle and the divider (or another vehicle). These guys are responsible for beauty spots on your vehicle (thaa ki nazar na lage!!). Auto wallahs and bikers lead the game but the suv’s, trucks and busses are catching up fast these days.

Type 3: These are kind who drive in their own way slowly and leisurely as though they are on a morning walk. Inko gaali do, horn bajaao kuch farak nahi padtha. They just can’t hear you (I guess they choose not to hear you). The next vehicle ahead of them will be a km away. You can usually find this type on narrow roads where only one vehicle can fit.

If you are in Hyderabad you have to fall in one of the categories (don’t even think of denying it).

Well I am mixture of all the three, usually depends on my mood!!

Irrespective of which type, we united have decided in our conscience never to follow any traffic rules, even the signals!!!

Scooter wallah ko gaali de, auto wallah ko gaali de, car wallah ko gaali de,bus wallah ko gaali de par sabse pehle khud ko gaali de!!

P.S. Junta who use high beams at night can contact me for all the maa behen ki gaali I have given them. Afterwards, I assure you that u will never use high beam!!!

4 years of my life

18th april was the 18th convocation of Sathyabama University. I was there, one in a few thousand waiting to get my degree (yes, my college has thousands of students graduating each year). I was not called upon the stage to be presented my degree by the director; apparently only the gold medalists deserved to receive their degrees on the stage (I’ve got nothing against them). Nor did my HOD it to me at the department with a congratulatory message. The way I got my degree was anything but normal. Ever seen a stall at local fete where freebies are given away, people crowding near the stall and fighting for the freebies; that is exactly how I got my degree. Had to push few of my classmates, squeeze through the crowd to get my degree. I was not surprised by the way things were organized, but I was disappointed.
Heck, I was always disappointed with sathyabama.

The College
Sathyabama is in Chennai, the city which has the tag of being conservative. Sathyabama was almost the same but it was ultra conservative. So conservative that there were no trees on the campus so that boys and girls wouldn’t sneak behind the trees and talk to each other (ya ya girls boys no speak in my college). I think even the staff were restricted at some level (I don’t know, maybe, never bothered to find out). The college prevents any kind of activity that may lead to a girl boy interaction and the worst part is, there are even barricades in the bus separating the two sexes. Boys are looked upon like serial rapists who would pounce upon girls on seeing them and girls are looked upon as sluts who are trying to seduce every guy that comes their way. (That is the way I felt).And they were watched upon by irrational bunch of losers who were called the ‘SQUADS’ (I say ‘were’ cos they don’t exist anymore). Other rules comprised of dress code, 90% attendance and any fucked up rule u can come to think off. This was the scenario when I entered the college, things changed, for good or worse I never bothered to analyze.


1st year
haa…25th august 2005, how can I forget that day, it was my first day in the college. We entered the college and were directed towards the pandal by some shabbily put up sign boards. The view at the pandal where our chancellor would supposedly greet us and introduce us to the college was jus overwhelming. I guess there were around 6000 ppl gathered there, I was shaken a lil bit, I never saw such a huge gathering of people right in front of my eyes. As a person I don’t like crowds and places with too many ppl, seeing so many people gave rise to many apprehensions. And the very first day itself I became skeptical about the way college would function. Everybody was there students, students’ parents, their grand parents, their uncles and aunts, their cousins, almost everybody. I skipped the program and strolled off to look around the college, I noticed people from every corner of the country, felt that was nice. After lunch (where ppl fought and waited for their right to sit and eat in the mess hall) I reported in the hostel. The rooms were reasonably big, I was told that 5 of us would sharing it, I was ok with it (thought 4 would be comfy but 5 was ok). Then enters a 6th person in the evening, we cribbed for a while and gave up cos we HAD to adjust. Next day was my first day at the college academically, it was routine.8am to 4pm (classes) 4-6 break then 6-8 study hours (oooo yea!!) followed by dinner and 10 was the lights off time. No electronic items were allowed into the hostel, even magazines and books were not allowed, I felt it was more a correctional facility than a hostel. 1st semester was very ordinary, no major incidents took place.

The events in the second semester changed the way sathyabama functioned. Everybody would boss upon the students from the peon to the squads; there was no respect for the student. The frustration among the students was very evident in the ways they carried out their daily activities. There was dissent all over. Helpless enraged, suppressed and frustrated we dint know what to do. Then came the AICTE recognition dispute, this led to the famous ‘STRIKE’ in sathy history. What a day it was!!! People brought down everything from fans to blackboard and from furniture to computers, chased and beat up people who annoyed them the most. It was a beautiful sight, although everything lay in ruins. This was the first of many to come (just youtube). We were sent home periodically strike after strike, there were hardly any classes that semester. It was fun but also a little bit scary. We were left to wonder how the management would react.


To be continued............