BhEjA FrY

3 idiots fucked up my life. Bloody i can't sleep. This had to happen to me when everything seemed to be going alright.(whom am i kidding, fucked up my mba entrance exams for the second time in a row). But some parts of my life were/are good. And as usual i was always ignoring the 'question' that has always been bothering me since i was a kid. "WHAT AM I GOOD AT???" This question has been killing since i was 14 or maybe 21. Who cares, the part u should care is the fact it is bothering me. Has never been able to figure out an answer to this lousy shit ass question.

Back in school after every 'progress reports day' my dad used to give me lecture about........blah blah(u knw what). Then he used to ask me this question."Which is your favorite subject??" Answer to which, frankly, i haven't figured out yet. I used to name a subject in whichever i scored the most marks that year. So the answers used to change, one year it was social, the next maths, the next science and so on. Then came inter, where i had to chose between mpc and bipc. Others streams were out of question, apparently they had no future. Anyways what difference does it make to somebody who's confused. I preferred mpc as i was bad at drawing (trust me that was the reason why i took mpc). Life was on a single track from then on, what do u do after mpc, duhh!! engineering. Finished that. After which i had to make a choice again, MS or MBA. Chose MBA due to personal reasons :P. Fucked up my mba entrance exams, so i chose MBA afer work-ex. All my choices were based upon 'Why i should not do the other thing' rather than 'Why i should do this thing'.

What makes things worse is that I am surrounded by people like divya and kunal, both of them know what they are doing, why they are doing, for how long they will be doing whatever they are doing. Which makes me feel like shit. Added to that they have friends who are passionate about something or the other and work very hard at whatever they are doing, may it be architecture, design, photography or simply studying. What is surprising is that all of them think I am good at something and i am pretty sure none of them know what it is. I get their respect for god knows what. Bloody, i dont have a single credential to show and tell them that 'i belong among u guys.'They probably think I am smart and capable, which even i think i am. But I will never be able to live up to my potential till i figure out an answer to the question "what am i really good at or what is the one thing i am passionate about??"


What i have been thinking is : 'What if a person does not have a passion even though he/she is good at many things. What if there is nothing that appeals to ur heart, but are able to perform decently in many areas.Does such a person exists or is it only me. NO it is not only ME. There are many like me( at least i hope so).' This inner conflict has been driving me crazy and all this is because of the movie '3 idiots'. YES, go follow your passion if you have one, nobody should stop you. But what if you dont have a bloody passion. Should you create one?? No you cant!! I guess ppl like me will just earn their bread, mutter and paneer working in mediocre software companies or BPO's.

First time in my life I am feeling very 'ordinary'. It is not a good feeling you know, atleast for me. "INTROSPECTION IS SHIT."